I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
