U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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