i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
