I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Randomize