My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
