people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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