M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
