we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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