I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
