You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
