yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize