today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
