We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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