Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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