Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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