I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
