I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
