playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
