I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
