My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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