in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
