I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
