he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
