I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
