dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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