once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
