It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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