...so i touched it.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
