Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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