i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
