Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My breath smells like gin and sadness
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
