Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
