My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
