So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
