Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
