mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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