i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
