i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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