Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
