Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize