Can i not drive my cunt home
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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