Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
