Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
