if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
