I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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