We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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