Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
