I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
now i know why i became what i already was.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
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