considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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