i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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