I'm passing your future prison.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize