This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
They have beer where we have blood.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
