omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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