I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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