So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
