Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
