Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
