There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I want her autograph on my taint
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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