when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
