I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
