im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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