you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize