worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
