girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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