You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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