I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
