He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
