You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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