"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
