There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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